I doubt that my readership is keeping up. Since I last wrote there has been some ups and downs with KU basketball, I traveled to Kansas and back, Kate E. went to London, beers were drank, etc…

Kansas was a good time. I chilled in Wamego mostly went to a play at the historic Columbian Theatre. The play featured one Shawn Gregory Lane. Me and my mom have been bitten by the theatre bug.

Went to the Kallide show. It was reallly cool. A good feeling to walk into the Granada, see all these people there and a ton of activity and know that your friends are responsible for it. They said it couldn’t be done! Everyone was beat from a long weekend.

Took down the cute show stuff today.

No big philosophical thoughts these last two weeks. Mostly my thoughts are about plans to move and what is coming up in my immediate future. I feel like I have a lot of activities to cram into one month. Starting to get caught up in the “go to work, go home” routine, which kind of scares me. Getting sick of working 6 days a week.

As I had predicted the journaling is on halt. I really don’t use my computer too much at home now, and like I said—no revelations lately.

Bought some new shoes, they look like this but, more blue. Kate E. came back from London with the same model of shoe, but different colors. Can you believe that!

I am trying to get rid of all the stuff I haven’t looked at or used in the last year since I moved to Chicago. Maybe I will sell some of it on eBay.

Sorry this one is kind of boring.

Got that internship in Massachusetts. I will be moving there at the end of May most likely, I still haven’t figured that part out yet… I am excited, I feel like I am just going to sit around waiting to move. I will probably try and pack as much big city fun in as I can before I leave. I will miss my people here.

This weekends guests included Peter Heffner and Darren Finnigan. We had a swell time that included drinking beer, talking, riding in cabs, eating, and shopping.

the cute show was last night. I think it was a moderate success, as a show everything had a graphic nature to it, and seemed to work well together. I think over a 100 people were there in all, mostly art kids who don’t buy art. I got a lot of compliments and many were puzzled.

KU basketball is out of control.

I am excited to go back to Kansas next weekend. I will see the folks and go to the mega-event called KALLIDE Tell all of the Lawerence area people you know to go. It is Monday, April 14 at the Granada, starting at 10pm. I designed the web site! I just realized that I won’t be able to post the weekly column next week though as I don’t get back until Tuesday night.

Not sure what else to write about, I am exhausted… here is what I typed in my jounal last week:

31 Mar 2003
No big revelations in the past couple of days. My mom visited over the weekend and it was nice. I got to show her around, the bus and train were a hassle. She is addicted to Diet Coke and wanted to spend money while she was here. Consumption = entertainment. She got some placemats, which I can at least see some use for.

I appeared on some web site and the caption was a “sad, sad boy” I am rather sad looking I guess. I wonder if I will ever be depressed in the future.

Turns out I may spend well over $700 on this little art project of mine. Beginning to doubt it’s value. I could do a lot of other more useful things with that money. I would rather spend it on something that I could easily have a multiple of, like a print. That is the graphic designer mentality, which I like. Hopefully I can sell a couple of these deals and make my money back. I don’t really want to deal with moving them, especially if I go to Mass. I seriously doubt anyone will buy one.

1 Apr 2003
Everything I can do for the cute show is out of my hands at least for now. I am starting to work on the piece for the staff show–unmotivated though — partly because of money. I am forcing myself to do it. Hopefully it will be worth it. My confidence is really lacking right now.

Today I met with the design director for the museum. I dropped off my portfolio for him last week to get his feedback and plant the seed in case a job comes up there. He really liked everything, gave me some good criticism, and lent me the Megg’s design history textbook (he saw the glassy-eyed look when he was dropping names). Then he went into this 30-plus minute monologue about the state of graphic design and how much he doubts it’s purpose, it was pretty interesting and I didn’t have much to add since I am pretty inexperienced compared to him. It was an ego boost to hear that he likes my work, but that was all balanced out when he was talking about how worthless a lot of our efforts are in the end. In regards to that I am wondering what is the best/most worthwhile way to apply my skills.

2 Apr 2003
Huge drop in confidence today. Felt like I wasted almost the entire day, mainly because I tried to take advice that I didn’t believe in or understand. I nearly always regret the outcome when I don’t trust my gut feeling, be it design or life decisions. As far as design goes I am becoming a bit of a style-whore, relying on the same old tricks for my work. I don’t know what I need to do to fix this.

Very anxious about the Massachusetts internship. I think I am just going to intern for the rest of my life. No money — no worries. I am also anxious about this weekend. I have one goal for the art show–don’t look like an idiot. I think I will achieve this goal by not getting drunk and smiling a lot.

Welcome back faithful fans and friends! Still pretty busy, after a nonstop weekend with special guest Matt Blume, I have been trying to wrap up my work for the cute show as well as adjust to my new job. The new job/internship is going well, my confidence is growing slowly.

I am trying to land another internship for the summer at an art museum in Massachusetts — I am pretty sure I have it, but I will know for sure this week. It will be fun if I get it, like camp with art and design.

I read this diary by rock star graphic designer Stefan Sagmeister, realized he is kind of a loser, nonetheless it inspired me to type out my thoughts, just for record’s sake. It is hard not to try and sound smart and write what you are actually thinking… I started, but doubt I will keep it up:

27 Mar 2003
Read the Sagmeister diary twice today, which has in turn inspired me to do this more often. I have anxieties about writing my thoughts down, mainly that I will regret my thoughts in the future. I don’t think anyone ever looks back on the past and says “wow, I was so much wiser then.”

The positives are that I will force myself to articulate my thoughts. I think doing that should help me work through them and create new solutions. Also I want to be honest and share my thoughts with others, mainly my friends.

Sagmeister has regular thoughts…he wrote about art a lot, yet he doesn’t ever refer to himself as an artist, nor mentions attempting art. In that sense I don’t think he is all he is made out to be.

28 Mar 2003
I need to make a list of what material items I essentially need. I like to think that I don’t have an excess of things. As I look around my room I see a lot of shit that I haven’t touched since I moved in — most notably art supplies. My most profound thought today was that I wished that when my pee splits, it would stay split, rather than come back into one stream. It is a goal that I will probably never attain without surgical alteration.

I am glad that I have attainable goals though. I have been thinking about people who don’t know what their goals are, not because they aren’t motivated, but because they don’t know what their passion is, or how to apply their passion to a specific career or role in life. Artists seem to have it easy in that respect. I know what I want to do — make meaningful art and design.

My mom is in town right now, we have been out to eat a lot, did some shopping, and we went to a Neil Simone play.

“It was awesome.” —Ruth Cassity

Some commentary about KU’s win from David Jaklevic:

Wee’s was all down at O’dells watching the game and getting krukity krunk off beer. Everywhere was packed like a porn star in a gang bang. When we won the place went ape shit, like an orangutan tossing its shit at a passing by goose. People just poured out onto mass street and everyone was driving up and down the street honking and drinking. People running through the streets jumping in and out of cars, madness, fucking madness and the cops seemed to enjoy the whole scene, no problems. This went on until two in the morning. As the girls got more drunk they started showing off their chests. I have seen my fair share of boobies, but I probably !!!QUADRUPLED!!! (emphasis on quadrupled) that amount last night.

I’m coming back to Kansas in a couple weeks. Namely to see a show that Matt Blume is organizing with about 20 other people. It is called Kallide. It is an expirement in music, video, and art. It is Monday, April 14th at the Granada. You should be there if you can. e-mail Matt Blume for more info.

Fan Mail

I just wanted to let you know that your weekly email is the only thing I have to look forward to in my life….if I didn’t have it, I’m not sure what I’d do, but it would probably require more self abuse. By self abuse I mean the kind with lotion that’s done in the privacy of your family bathroom, with the faucet running and when people knock on the door you tell them ‘just a minute’ and make some excuse as to how difficult acrylic paint is to get off your hands.
– Josh Lake

I am pretty busy now with the 2 jobs and the art show and the houseguests and all…

I don’t think that anyone is actually reading this anyways.

If you are, e-mail me and let me know.

I’m a little tired this Sunday evening, definitely not up to
being witty…

3 noteworthy catch phrases:

“We’re big in Japan”

“No Shirt is the New Shirt” (must be topless)

“will cuddle for food”

THE BASICS
I’ve sold out and gotten a cell phone. It isn’t even for emergency use only. 
Very stylish too:

Wed – Free bacon night at Prodigal Son bar. They just bring baskets of bacon out and you eat them. You are snacking on bacon. It is pretty ridiculous.

Thur – I got an internship. My productivity is going to double by 200%.

Fri – You can spend 15 dollars at this bar called Goldstar and get 4 bottles of beer and 8 delicious”authentic” tamales.

Sat – People love St. Patrick’s Day. Some obnoxious. Didn’t go out until 12am to celebrate. Bad bar, good times. A guy from Kansas got naked and strummed his unit to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. There was a fight. Then we went to Hollywood Grill – Where Chicago Eats and enjoyed tasty toast.

Sun – went shopping for shoes, found nothing except a pair of pumas that cost $100, they sorta look like this:

Started my new internship after shoe shopping. One of their pro-bono
clients is a theatre company. We did a photo shoot at the indoor pool
at Northwestern Univ. The following famous people were in attendance:

However I had nothing to do with them, they were just in the same room. I sat and made sure that the lights didn’t fall into the pool (they didn’t). My boss likes to make jokes about how I am going to do his dishes and laundry and points every time I say “like.’ I think he is under the impression that I am not an eloquent speaker or that I am a burnout.

Either way…

Goodnight.
I’ll call soon

I helped Kate E. paint paint display on the windows at Waxman Candles (where she works). I think it was a success, however her manager was a little concerned that there weren’t any candles represented. We didn’t bother to explain that Waxman is a “lifestyle brand.

Saturday night Humble Empire attended a literary reading featuring 4 authors. The only one we’d heard of was Ben Marcus. Overall it was pretty cool, a bunch of people sitting around on the floor of this gallery listening to confusing people talk. I had the feeling that I wasn’t really supposed to be in on something like this. They had free beer and people could smoke cigarettes inside—a feature Sam took advantage of and appreciated. After the reading we went out and got drunk. Then to Hollywood Grill, where Chicago eats, to get some delicious toast.

Been spending most my time at home on the internet, and working on things to be put onto the internet. Notably the cute show web site. I am happy with it overall, although there are some problems with the table breaking up on some browsers. I don’t think I will try and fix it though—mostly because I am not sure how… I am getting nervous about the show. What if they don’t like me? I t should be alright though, I don’t think anyone is taking us serious, and they shouldn’t.

I am getting desperate to design. Feeling the itch to make something that will be printed. Next week I may go pounding on the doors of some design firms demanding that the give me a desk. If it is as cold as it was today, that probably won’t happen.

I do this instant message thing now, it is like talking, but with typing. I had a really good IM Convo (instant message conversation) with my friend Shawn Lane last week. On the whole, consumerism is one of the subjects I am sick of thinking about. Surpassed as to whether or not we should go to war (39% yes, 60% no at the time of press), but this one was pretty good. Here is an excerpt:

Matt: …I think that is a part of me that has changed a lot ( I am talking about the consumer attitude) I see kids come into the museum head to toe in logos and I had forgotten I used the be just like that. For a while I just thought that was a phase people go through and get over, then I started noticing the adults coming in and they are just the same. I guess that is not really related to what we are talking about, except that my attitude has taken a big turn regarding what is important. And sometimes I forget that it hasn’t changed for other people too.

Shawn: I wish I practiced what I preached more. Like I don’t care much for SUVs at all but I wouldn’t mind having a full size pickup with a v8 in it. I don’t need. I’d be fine with a small S10 pickup that gets 25 mpg which I like just as much but stuff like that.

I wear Tommy jeans, yes partly because of the name and also because I prefer loose fitting stuff and ether’s is among those that are the loosest. I don’t know. It’s like I’m being hypocritical to myself because I think sweatshops are bad but yet I still wear the clothes that come from them.

M: I know. Right now I am having serious issues with Nike Presto shoes. There is a section in Naomi Klien’s NO LOGO called No Choice. That may be a cop-out, but I really feel like “what should I buy then?, they all use sweatshops. Nike, Adidas, Reebok. But Nike has the biggest reputation and has profited the most off of sweatshops, so I don’t want to advertise for them, but I need sneakers!

I am not going to get them, mostly cause I can’t wear them at work… but it is still frustrating. Even if you get the brand that isn’t known for sweatshops, you are still buying into another marketing scheme somehow.

S: It’s as if it’s no-win situation

M: Like organic grocery stores. People pay 3x as much for their food cause this nice store tells them it is good for them. I don’t need to pay extra to have someone tell me what to do.

S: That’s what I don’t get, there’s one in Manhattan too.

M: All these “hippies” in Lawrence would drive their Range Rovers with some sort of environmental group sticker on them to the organic grocery store, spend $200 on a cart of groceries to feel cool. How is that different than the alternative?

…I am thinking about doing a resume that says “willing to sellout” b/c in my “industry” it is pretty hard to have conscious and make a living.

S: How true is that. You and I can see these things and realize the hypocrisy but it’s unbelievable how people don’t have a conscience and see what’s really going on.

Like the people in SUVs with a flag from each window being more patriotic than the person with flags on all but one window.

M: It is good to be able to see through the bullshit. And a bit of a burden

S: For sure because then I feel guilty for not doing something about it.

M: Absolutely. I haven’t figured out what to do either. I gotta get away from the computer for a while, the hum is getting into my brain…

Dear Matt,

I’m in a band. An old-time chick band. We call ourselves the ‘black-eyed susies’ I play fiddle, and the others play guitar, banjo, and another fiddle. The other fiddler is a computer programmer so she threw a web site up last week. It’s terribly done, and completely useless at the moment. But check back in about a month, and hopefully I’ll have had some time to put together some sort of design. I bought a silk-screening kit over the weekend, and plan on making lots of old-timey t-shirts. And plans are underway for black-eyed susies action figures.

Sincerely,
Coleen Heine, St. Louis MO

Dear Matt,

Last night I sprinted for a couple minutes with high-school kids during conditioning, and thought I might black out or puke. Went out for beers with tennis pros till high-noon at the local Off Track Betting Parlor, one pro used to be a manager there and knew all the nice old hags well. Very funny night.

Have a tennis lesson at 8, me alone and four ladies, this couple hours a day really brings me down, feel squeamish. Keep looking and made aware of the clock hours before I bring my tennis carnival to the court.

Sincerely,
Mark Hansen, Indian Head Park IL

Dear Matt,
Nice to see that your still living la vida loca!!!! I still wanna get to the states as well if I can in September … money permitting. Anyway hope the museum shit is good and keep in touch!!!

Richard Sayer, Orange AUSTRALIA

Still working on the cute show. Sitting in front of my computer too much, I think it has gotten louder. There is a hum that is unstoppable and it’s driving me nuts. I need to get a quieter machine. I am going to investigate where I can buy a stolen laptop. I am willing to spend $200.

I haven’t heard back from the gay cult.

I saw guy driving a brand new Cadillac get pulled over and arrested right in front of the museum, I think he stole the car.

There is a new show up of blurry photos of architecture that everyone seems to like.

Me, Kate E, Mark, Andrea (one of Kate E’s coworkers), and possibly Sam are in the market for a new apartment, hopefully a giant loft with low rent.

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Wednesday afternoon we had a Humble Empire (me, Kate E., Mark, and Sam) field trip to the Mexican Fine Arts Center just south of the city. There was a show there that has about a dozen Frida Kahlo paintings. People like Frida Kahlo, especially when Selma Hyek is Frida Kahlo. The gift shop was too expensive.

Mark’s favorite painting, ‘Diego on my Mind’

– – – – – – – – – – –

Wednesday night we all went to this KU bar called KIncaids to watch the KU vs. A&M basketball game and drink bottles of beer that cost one dollar and eat sloppy nachos that were piled high. We drank more than we watched the game. Ran into some old school chums including Matt Smith.

We had a good time. On our way home from the bar we got pulled over by an unmarked cop car. [The stoplight turned greet, we turned left b/f the oncoming traffic started] The cop looked at Mark’s insurance card and saw that it was insured under his dad’s name, then commented “Does your father know you drive like an idiot?”

Then Mark had to get out of the car to be intimidated for a few minutes, while the rest of us counted our cash anticipating posting bail. Fortunately, it wasn’t necessary.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Friday night I went to the best concert of my entire life. No kidding. Sage Francis. I still can’t put together the thoughts of why I liked it so much.

One of the openers, CR Avery, rocked acapella/beatbox style, then broke out his harmonica and casio keyboard.

Sage was backed by a live band. As a band alone they were nothing to write home about, but sounded great a the back up. Sage had a well put together set with minimal between song chatter. The crowd knew all the words to the songs and the place was packed with emo kids who love the hip-hop music. That was a big part of why it was so good I think — you could tell that all the performers were stoked by the crowd participation.

Plus Sage’s album, Personal Journals, was my pick for best album of 2002.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Bad music, good food. Saturday night me and Mark cruised to a show in Wicker Park at this venue called Big Horse. You walk through this taco shop and there is a bar and a stage in the back. Probably could fit 200 people tops. Pretty cool venue.

The music was bad. I couldn’t stop thinking about how all of these people were in private school. Private school and rock n’ roll. The kids had great enthusiasm though.

After heading to another bar, we went to The Hollywood Grill, where Chicago eats. This is one of the most popular all night diner’s on the NW side. Literally every race and walk of life was represented in there; rappers, wise-guys, latina girls, indie kids, working stiffs, and whatever the hell we are.

Hollywood grill has the best toast.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Been thinking about how I don’t want to have a structured life. I’ll let you know what that means if I figure it out.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of my weekly news column. First the general info: I am enjoying Chicago, it is bitterly cold and windy, but every once in a while I stumble on something cool and remember the benefits in living in big city. Still working at the Museum of Contemporary Art. I have put the job search on the back burner for a while as I have pretty much exhausted my contacts. I figure something is bound to come up in time. Now the less general info:

– – – – – – – – – – –

My main focus right now is creating artwork and promoting a group show I am participating in. It was organized by one of my coworkers at the museum. I didn’t really pay my dues or anything to get involved with this, I recommend not paying your dues if at all possible. Here is the manifesto for the show, which I took no part in creating:

the cute show : a manifesto

the premise of this exhibition is to validate the word cute when it is given by a viewer in effort to express their feelings for a certain piece of artwork.

cute is a whimsical land where the precious and the adorable live free from stress and seriousness.

if art is the battle between content and intent, cute must demand that content take precedence over intent.

choices of subject, color and scale become infinitely important, while meaning tends to take second stage.

a good number of artists see the term cute as belittling, rather than congratulatory, thus diminishing the integrity of their artwork.

the cute show is the decision that cute is more often a compliment, rather than a complaint, to be held with high regard.

Here is an example of the work I am contributing, they are large format (36″ x 36″) ink jet prints, generously donated by Sam Spratlin:

I may also participate in a museum staff show. Also no dues to be paid — work at the museum, get in the show.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Speaking of Sam, we have started a little tradition up here in Chicago. Every Wednesday he cooks dinner, I bring some booze and we watch Dawson’s creek. Usually his roommates and Kate E Burke attend as well. Good times.

– – – – – – – – – – –

So this dude comes into the museum the other day, and we barely have a conversation. Basically he asked me if I am an artist, and immediately gave me his name and address so I could send him a postcard for the cute show. Also I should mention he is about 45 and has an earring. “He’s hip, he’s cool, he’s 45.” He also asked me to give him my name, so I do, along with my e-mail address. This takes place around 4:30. By 7:30 he has completely looked through my site and sends me this e-mail (edited):

Hey Matt,
It was nice to chat with you at the MCA today… I found the info on your web site and I am actually coming back from three weeks in LA that Saturday (I got this fellowship from the Getty Trust for them to try to persuade arts journalists that LA is a real place . . . ) and that opening could be a fun re-entry to terra firma… Your site is very clean looking and has some cool stuff on it… best, Andrew P.

I reply , and he does again with a bunch more name dropping. Mostly stuff about his boyfriend, and other friends of his, and their boyfriends. Some of these people sound like good contacts, so I am going to follow through with them. I just hope I don’t get involved in some weird gay cult.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Saw Old School Friday night. There is nothing wrong with that movie