Same shit, different day. By shit I mean alcohol abuse. For the last however many (too many) days I have been going out and boozing and swearing and all sorts of evil things. Yesterday my body said “no more!” I woke up more or less paralyzed with pain, around 3 in the afternoon I stumbled over to the corner store for gatorade and… I couldn’t make it the block home. About half way I crippled to the ground and started puking in the gutter. I struggle to stand, my face wet with tears and sweat. At that point I thought maybe I should take it easy for a few days. I am not sure what is happening to me, I start out with good intentions, but usually end up drinking one beer too many. It also isn’t like I am drinking a ton either, I think it is the night after night after night that is getting to me.

In less depressing news, I think I have landed a job at a magazine called SLAM. It is about basketball. I had the interview last friday and it was super casual and the girl interviewing me said I was her favorite and sent me home with a sample assignment. We are meeting for lunch on Monday, hopefully to discuss how much vacation time I get.

That is about all the news. No drinking ’til Memorial day, and I got a real job. Good week.

What up freakers! I can think of a couple of things to talk about. A week ago we had a little bbq on our sidewalk/loading dock… it went ok, and was lo-key. The real insight came afterwards, we were sitting in our living room and I looked around, clockwise beginning with myself, then a girl from russia or something, then a gay guy, then my roommate from florida, a girl named Biki from germany, my other roommate from Virginia and two other people from Virginia. For a moment I thought I was looking down on this situation from some kind of monitor that was labeled NEW YORK GET-TOGETHER! I should also mention that we were trying to harness the power of a ouija board too.

Last week I had a day of freelance at this really corporate firm where a new friend of mine works. It was pretty boring and all the jokes about cubicles and office jaron applied. All day she kept apoligizing for the job and said something like she wouldn’t hire me on principle because she knows I couldn’t take it… I told her to take it easy and stop stroking my ego.

Saturday me and 4 friends went up to Massachusetts to an art opening, at the after party this group of professional/touring dancers appeared after a show they did, and they took over and started this insane dance party among themselves. I bet if you know how to dance really well it is easy to make friends. Sunday was brunch — I just found out that brunch is awesome! Especially if you just have to show up and eat. When we got back to Brooklyn last night I experienced the cliche of country air vs. city air. Man this place smells so fucking bad after getting back from a mountain. I never noticed it before…and I don’t notice it right now, but getting out of the car it really hit me.

How’s this for an idea — Universal Birthday or UBD, everyone celebrates their birthday on June 25. Think of how great it would be. Also Universal Anniversary Day.

I suppose I have been here a few more days. Seems like a lot longer, then I think what little I have gotten done and I feel like maybe I just got here yesterday.

The last 5 nights I have been getting drunk and cursing myself the next day. Really stupid shit, I feel like crap, finally get a glimpse of feeling normal and I managed to be convinced that it will be a different story tonight… some convincing arguements are: “I don’t have much money, so I’ll probably just have a couple.” or “I have a class early tomorrow, so I want to be in bed by midnight.” Then before I know it I am eating a box of cheez–its at three in the morning.

Today is my first interview. I have spent the last few days piddling around with my resume and my next promo, I managed to get the resume printed up and I hope to get the promo in the mail soon. The interview was arranged by this guy Ryan, whose girlfriend Sara works at this place. She said it is pretty corporate and hinted that I might not really fit in there… but we will see how the interview goes. I have no idea what to say, my attitude is to just wing it and be honest.

Turns out that I have some good roomates and their friends instantly accepted me as their friends as well. So I haven’t really felt awkward or anything of that sort yet. The weather has been pleasant and that is about all that matters right now.

For whatever reason I didn’t bring my digital camera. I try and find one so I can post some pictures.

Well the past couple of weeks have been fun. On April 3rd I called the dude I was supposed to sublet from on my way from Kansas (I was in Indiana) and he was all “yeah, your moving in on the 12th right?” I said that I was en route… It all worked out though. I spent a week in Vermont with some of my friends from Massachusetts last summer. It was pretty cool, they have a cabin-like house on the edge of the mountain. I spent a lot of time staring out the window watching birds and all of that. Sort of like being outdoors without having to go outside.

Last Saturday I met my brother at the airport in New York, and we spent the weekend doing all kinds of New York activities; walking around, eating, Yankees game, Central Park, Comedy, getting really drunk, throwing up…

Some questions you might have:

How’s your apartment? It is ok. The analogy I have been giving people is: imagine a movie where an artist moves to New York and lives in a weird warehouse looking place. The place is really a soundbed of sorts–the fridge has a pretty loud hum, hissing sounds from the many pipes running along the walls and ceiling, and the trucks on the street. Very loud. I haven’t really checked out the neighborhood yet.. All I know is that there is a deli nearby.

How’s your car? Pretty good. I had it checked out before I left Kansas and there weren’t any problems with it. However I backed into a fire hydrant the other day and put a nasty hole in the bumper. I am not going to get it fixed, as it will probably get f’d up even more. I need to rent a parking space up here or sell it. It is kind of a hassle.

Have you done your taxes? I am working on them today. I have 4 w-2 forms from 3 different states!

Have you found a job? No. Haven’t started looking, I have some promising leads though.

Oh boy. Well I am finally back in Wamego for a couple of days. Not too comfortable though… my mom decided to remodel the house while I was on vacation, so I came home to a cleared out house, with my few belongings in the basement and garage, covered in sawdust. Plus I started painting the ceilings and walls as soon as I got back.

Vegas was wild. I expected to party hard. But we partied really hard. I was moderate in comparison, but some of the guys were on true benders. When I first got there, I wondered what the big deal was all about. I wascertainly not impressed, more like depressed, but after a couple of drinks I figured it out–you cando whatever the hell you want in Vegas.I wanted to stay up all night and be obnoxious, and it was fine with old Las Vegas. Really fun party.

Went on to Denver, the rest of the crew went camping and skiing and what not. I sat on the couch and watched TV until they were ready to go home. There is something to be said about ten guys in a two bedroom apartment for 3 days. I am not sure what that thing is yet, but you need to experience it every couple of years. Weird shit happens.

So tomorrow I am off again. Moving to New York for a couple months at least. More if I can find work. More on that soon.

Hey ya. Sorry I didn’ t update this last week… I just got back to Wamego today, and I am heading for Vegas tomorrow. I guess after that we are going to go hiking or skiing or something. The first weekend of April I am moving to New York. If you know anyone there, let them know i am coming, especially if they can get me a job! More when I settle down.-

Hey people. I am half way through my road trip. So far all has been good. Car is running smoothly. Wish I had more time, realizing now that I may not be able to make all the stops I had intended.

Monday

Got in Ft. Lauderdale, cabbed it over to “Auto Connection of America”—you would think that the Auto Connection for all of the Americas would be more than a one room office, small shop, and chain link fence. I signed some papers…had some tense moments, and I hit the road. I stopped in Savannah, Georgia for a driving tour and a beer, then a $30 motel.

Tuesday
I drove into Raleigh, met up with my friend Cristel, read, napped, played with Silas the dog. Then we all went to the pool hall to shoot some stick. Hey, pool ain’t a bad way to pass the time. I hear that if you keep at it, the balls go in the pockets easier. I doubt I will ever test this hypothesis.

Wednesday
Took stroll through the NCSU campus. Lots of brick buildings. Read outside most of the afternoon. I have a tan right arm.

Thursday
Took Silas the dog for a walk and hit the road for Philadelphia. I waited for Foster to get off work and we went for a beer at a pretty cool basement bar. Then I followed him out to his parent’s house for the night. I owe Foster $10.

Friday
Laila got a hold of me as I was getting ready to leave and convinced me to stay another night in Philly. We went to their first Friday’s gallery deal, a nice dinner and I took her to the cool basement bar of Thursday.

Saturday
Took off for New York, nervous about driving and parking in the the city. No troubles and found a spot straight away. Got settled at Kristina’s and went to see some bands at a packed bar. Then more packed bars for beers. Really the first night to test my anti-binge drinking campaign. The best way to get through it is to talk to people about it.

Sunday
Went for breakfast at a diner. Then met up with Jess. Did some walking around, made some purchases, talked about all there really is to do in New York is walk around and eat. Went to a movie—Triplets of Belleville, hate to say that I was disappointed. Back to Kristina’s for the much anticipated (not so much by me) Soprano’s show.

Sleep Log discontinued…both annoying and depressing.

Well, I type this in Kansas City, Monday morning I fly to Florida to pick up my ebay car… I am taking the long way home, crashing on couches of the East coast and middle of the USA… Stay tuned, not a lot of thoughts other than getting the car. If you are concerned that the car is a lemon, or may catch fire the moment I turn the key…you are not alone. I have heard these concerns from every last person that is privy to the ebay car.

Loose itenerary is: Ft. Lauderdale, Raleigh, Philly, NYC, Boston, North Adams, Toledo OH, Chicago, Decauter, St. Louis, KC, Wamego… If you live in any of these locales expect a phone call.

Here is something I typed out earlier this week:
Man, I am sick today (tuesday). As far as not getting dressed, taking a bath and eating soup (at the same time) I am doing ok. I just hate being sick though. I feel like I am getting over it. Hopefully it wont require me to see a doctor as I don’t have any insurance. My mom offered to pay, but I can’t justify a potential $200 bill if I can wait it out a day and see. This is my one small motivation for actually looking for a real job… if only everyone had health insurance… I guess I’ll have to move to Canada (or Cuba) if I want to live that dream. I haven’t been to a doctor or a dentist for about two years now.

I have been less productive than ever this week. I upgraded my computer to the newest operating system, and don’t have any of my usual graphics programs. I could use the old ones, but I don’t want the hassle and I like the excuse to look at the internet… I try and think of all the things I am learning. This writer whose name I forget predicts that kids in the future will learn more by randomly clicking on the internet than they will in the classroom. I can’t imagine that the classroom of the future won’t have the internet though. I was talking with Jake the other night about the awesomeness of laptops and wireless internet and we were getting all gay about the future and how you will be able to easily access the internet anywhere you go. The amount of excitement I garner from this possibility really bums me out sometimes.

Picture of the Week:

Sleep Log
Sunday 4:00am–11:30am
Tuesday 2:30am–9:45am, 10:30pm–4:30am
Wednesday 7:00am–9:30am
Thursday 2:30am–9:30am
Saturday 2:00am–12:00pm
Sunday 3:30am–11:00am, 9:30pm–4:30am

I can’t stop looking at the internet. I can’t start working on my projects. If I traded the amount of time I am on the internet with time drawing or reading or creating something I would be the awesomest. (This is a call for help.)

I urge you all to rent/borrow/buy Noam Chomsky’s dvd Manufacturing Consent. I have always been weary of this guy as I figured he was some super extremist nut. However his documentary was very compelling (and long). If you are like me and are facinated by media criticism you won’t be disappointed. If you can’t find it I would suggest that you sign up for a free trial on netflix.com have it sent to you then cancel netflix.

Friday night I went out in Manhattan and had a good time. I drank responsibly and was able to drive home, and felt good about myself.

Saturday night I drank too much. I knew it was going to hurt the next morning, but I thought somehow I would avoid that hangover. Nope. I hate hangovers so bad. I think I am going to start a personal campaign to end binge drinking…I know some organizations have attempted this before.

Before I did all that binge drinking I went to an event called “farmers’ night” in Wamego. It was at the tractor store and they clean it up nice, make some benches out of hay bales and planks. There is open bar for an hour, then some raffles, then the big show featuring a olde timey bluegrass band called the Ferris Family. Man, they were cool. Mom, dad, and four boys. I was digging it. Then binge drinking later.

Sleep Log
Monday 5:00am–1:30pm,
Tuesday 5:30am–2:30pm, 9:30pm–1:30am
Wednesday 8:00am–10:00am, 6:15–7:00
Thursday 11:00pm–9:30am
Saturday 4:00am–12:30pm, 5:30pm–11:59pm
Sunday 10:30am–2:30pm

– – – – – – – – – – –

My immediate plan is to buy a cheap car and travel light for as long as I can, and if a job happens to find me, then maybe I will stick around somewhere. I really have no idea what I will do, but the act of publishing this to all nine of you that read this will be one more bit of motivation to make something happen in my life. I almost bought a car on eBay tonight, and it was a very exciting process. I love the internet.

– – – – – – – – – – –

One of my resolutions Is to be more knowledgeable on politics. My biggest issue is where to start?—First by going to what I hoped were unbiased sources: c-span, bbc, npr, pbs, guardian. Then to a lot of progressive web sites MoveOn, commondreams, michael moore, wonkette, vitw, in these times. And a few conservative outlets: fox, cnbc, drudge. My conclusion—shit is impossible to crack. I still don’t know what the hell is going on. This whole project has made me feel even more powerless in the system, and reinforced my belief that govt. interests are with corporations first, and common Americans second (or lower). In my opinion, the whole process is ruined from the very beginning with the cost of running an election, and the need for politicians to look to special interests and corporations for money.

It is now clear to me why so many are ignorant to politics. The media tells us what to think, and mostly they are saying “there is nothing you can do about it.” I believe this is about the only real truth I discovered. This last sentence is my official declaration that I have reentered the populus and don’t give a shit anymore.

– – – – – – – – – – –

I talked to my old boss at gripdesign Tuesday and he was saying how he is getting connected with Step Inside Design magazine and he is pitching an article titled “5 designers the AIGA doesn’t want you to know about” [me being one of them (the AIGA is a professional org for graphic designers)]. I think the premise is that it is trying to promote the idea that designers can be good and didn’t have to go to Yale or RISD or work for Tibor Kalman and maybe us peons deserve a little credit. (The funniest thing to me about this whole notion is that when I was working at grip, 80% of my duties were non-design related, and when I did do some things, few were produced, or my work was critiqued for not having strong concepts—that is probably why AIGA doesn’t want me out there!)

I am about 99% certain the article will never go through. But my mind is racing—what if it did? What would I have to show for myself? I haven’t done shit for shit in the past year. What if he wants me to talk about Humble Empire? Well, we made some posters for some people… I really want to get together (virtually or physically) and define a sort of press release for humble. When the reporter called from the Kansan last summer I was really at a loss of words. I almost wanted to come clean and say “we don’t do shit” -—that might be a funny spin/approach to a press release.

The boss is really stoked on The Book of Matthew (my next promo). Previously I was advertising it as concept only, but now it has turned into a tangible, gonna happen project. I have to get moving on that. I would like to make this promotion focused on self-awareness, personal priorities, the idea of a life map, etc. highlighting only personal projects, what they mean to me and my decisions. Do not have to be tangible “graphic design” objects. Can include activities I participate in as a whole. This is very scary as I don’t want people to think I am getting too lofty or stuck on my own ideas (nor do I want criticism). But I really want to share my point of view on life in hopes that others will do the same. Illustrate the sleep log, in chart and an alternate information, emotional sense. Answer the questions of why I am turned off by design, then why I am inevitably going to be a designer. Other topics include; what, in my own mind, I am accomplishing in my life right now—as far as building up a portfolio, not a lot. As far as building relationships with people—tons. My erratic, short term living situations, internship after internship is quickly building a small network of Matt Cassity supporters. I am also on the search for a mentor.

– – – – – – – – – – –

This weekend I made a journey to Kansas City and hung out with the old college chums, and there were a lot of us. I don’t think I have chilled with a group of more than 5 people for a long time. I was really worried that I was missing out on something at the other end of the table.

I don’t remember saying anything stupid. But I came away from the night feeling like I had been arrogant or nasty in some way and that maybe some people weren’t too stoked on me.

Also on the way home I stopped at Nebraska Furniture Mart (in Kansas) to look at mac laptops. I think I will get one as my old imac has a hum that really hurts my ears.

– – – – – – – – – – –

I mentioned to some friends this weekend that I am reading a book that will hopefully change my life. I will have that conclusion by next week.

I also got some other potentially influential book in the mail, as well as a couple Andrew W.K. cds. A great week for my mailbox.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Diner and 3 Days of the Condor are both excellent movies.